Working out!

So, as you all know, I am Devin Sinha. *pauses for you to say hello back* My friends all say that I am in really good shape which means a lot to you since I have more friends than I can count, which is funny because I am in a lot of programming classes so I can count a lot. Would you like to have a count-off with me? I didn't think so.

Anyway, like I was saying, I am pretty much regarded as the "muscley man" out of my circle of friends, although myself and my friend Alex have been know to spar from time to time and then suck each other's balls.
I always win because I have so much upper body strength. So much, in fact, that it is hard to walk under all of the weight of my HUGE pecs, so I bend over slightly and raise my arms for support. Since my upper body is so ripped and amazing, I would like to teach you how to be more like me. If you would notice, I said "more like me" since there is one and only Devin Kumar Nelson Sinha. I'm 1/8 Cherokee.

To achieve "Devin pecs," you must have a committed workout plan. Firstly, buy a case of Dr. Pepper and an Xbox 360 Ultimate. It has to be the Ultimate. A "regular" (WEAK) Xbox 360 will NOT do. Trade it in to Best Buy if you have one. That's what I did, and then I used my employee discount to get an Ultimate. Now that is quick thinking. After you have purchased your Xbox and Dr. Pepper, find a grungy-ass white couch, yet treat it like it belongs in the Taj Mahal. If it has ham in it, then your chances of being the best (me) have just increased.

Now that you have the basic items for being more like the Devin, you can begin your workout plan. With the couch in place and the Xbox 360 Ultimate "I'm the shit, fuck you" Beast Best Buy Special Edition hooked up to your TV (my dad has an HDTV), sit down on the couch and play Xbox while sipping on some Dr. Pepper. If you can get your hands on some Mike's Hard Lemonade (you may have to get this REALLY cool guy, Brian Lewis, to buy some for you), DO IT. I promise you that you will be intoxicated after slowly sipping on half of one. I can drink three before passing out, but then again, I'm Devin Sinha.

Once you have trained for 3 weeks you should notice a decrease in torso size and your arms should now be slightly raised as you walk. Now it is time to add the next variable! NO, not steriods you idiot, but Dave Matthews band! With some DMB cranking on my surround-sound system (I love working at Best Buy so I can get cool tech items fr cheap), you will be even more motivated to achieve the pinnacle of physical perfection, something I would like to call "Dervana."

So, good luck. You have a long road ahead of you. This is Devin Kumar Nelson Sinha, signing off.